So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't deserve a penis
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
