I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I AM VODKA MAN
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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