You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
