i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize