I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize