Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
