remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
