i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
