I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
