And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Text me some of your sweat
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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