If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
