yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
