so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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