in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
