Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
