my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
