During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
