Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
