Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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