She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
