we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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