at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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