i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize
