I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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