What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
