Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
