omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the condom got lost in my hair
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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