Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
