mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
