You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
