I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
