i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
