Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize