some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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