There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
