Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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