I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The uberlube is also flammable
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
