For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
