it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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