we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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