Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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