after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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