This is not my ceiling
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
