How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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