Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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