apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
