We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
