That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
