you guys were way drunker than both of me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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