i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
