Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
