Umm I'm too high to move.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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