My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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