Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
