well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
