Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
