im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
