ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
