two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
