Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
