don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
