I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
