Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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