I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
